I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be with someone in a loving, comitted relationship. I have come to the conclusion that it is wonderful, terrifying, comfortable, gratifying, happy, and HARD. It is hard. The idea that you can choose to be with someone who is totally different than you in a million ways and completely the same as you in other ways is both awesome and really difficult.
As a child of divorced parents, I am very honest about what I want in my life. I want to have a good marriage to a man I love and have a family with him.
I am also honest about my biggest fear: getting divorced.
So thousands of people do it every day. Yes. I know that if I got divorced I would survive. And let me preface these thoughts by saying that I love my family very deeply. I love my mom and dad and my step mom who has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old. I would not be the same if my parents hadn’t separated and I am proud of the woman I have become. I love my life and wouldn’t trade it.
But there were things that were hard growing up and it was hard for all of my parents as well. I’ve talked to a lot of people, priests, therapists, bloggers, and family members about what it means to create a good marriage. I am still scared every day that I will fail. I am no where close to being married yet – but I know that it is something that I want to do and am willing to work hard for it.
At a recent mass, Father Clement gave a beautiful homily about what it means to choose someone as a partner and a spouse. He said that it isn’t about finding the right person. It’s 1% the right person and 99% hard work. He also explored the idea that when you marry your spouse you are promising them love and that you will do everything in your power to create a loving environment for him to be the best person he can be. And he for you. And when both people create that environment and are their best selves…. well that sounds like my dream.